


The villains might have gotten it right this time

by theflyingdalek



Category: Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: 00Q - Freeform, Bodyswap, M/M, kind of cheesy but hey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 07:32:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/595118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theflyingdalek/pseuds/theflyingdalek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Q and Bond get zapped by an evil ray and body swap. Yep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from tumblr user mizouno.
> 
> "A good old fashioned bodyswap"

"You have _got_ to be kidding me", Q said in a voice that was very distinctly not Q's voice.

Q stood in front of a large mirror and squinted, but everything was still blurry. He took his glasses off, and suddenly everything came into focus. Oh dear. Q put his glasses back on. He suddenly wished he hadn't taken them off.

The bathroom door swung open.

"Q, are you in here?", James Bond said.

Except that it didn't sound like James Bond. It sounded like Q. Q took a deep breath and took his glasses off again. The man standing in front of himself was... well... Q.

"Q, is that you", Bond said again, "I can't really see properly."

Q marched over to his doppelganger (although it wasn't exactly a doppelganger since he himself no longer looked like Q), and dropped the glasses onto Bond's nose.

"Oh, thank you, Q. Something is very wrong with my voice... HOLY SHIT."

Q wasn't expecting the exclamation and flinched.

"It seems that we have been bodyswapped, Agent Bond", Q said with a sigh.

But Bond had seemed to already have gotten used to the shock and was eyeing himself (his Q self) in the mirror hungrily.

" _Excuse me_ , Mr. Bond. Could you NOT?", Q flushed.

"Well that isn't something you see every day", Bond noted.

"What? A body swap? No it isn't", Q agreed, wondering why Bond was stating the obvious.

"No, not the body swap", Bond interrupted, "My face blushing. I don't think that has happened since I was a school boy.", Bond added with a smirk. It looked strange on Q's face.

"Shut up", Q said with an eye roll. "We need to fix this, quickly."

Suddenly Bond was all business again. Both of them knew that if _anyone_ found out about this body swap, they would both be incredibly vulnerable. 

"So how does a body swap work, anyway", asked Bond.

Q grumbled. How very like Bond to think that Q knew everything in the world.

"I'm not Doctor Strange, Bond", Q answered, "I have no bloody clue how they did it. We'll need to do research."

"We can't go back into Q Branch", Bond said, "Everyone would notice the change in action immediately. We even walk differently."

Q nodded. He was sure that the underlings would notice within an hour.

"I need you to get something from my desk first", Q realized.

"What? What is it? Is it really that important?", Bond asked.

Q blushed again, "It's the key to my flat."

"You have a _key_ to your flat?", Bond asked incredulously. "A proper key? I thought you would all be numbers and codes."

"Well, it isn't just any key, but it is the only one. We're obviously not going to hide out at your place, so it'll be mine, which means that you have to go to Q Branch to get the key in my desk."

"If there is only one key to your flat, why would you leave it in your desk?", Bond asked.

"Stop asking questions, you're being annoying", Q replied.

Q then described how exactly Bond was to walk through Q branch, who he was supposed to say hello to, who he was supposed to angrily ignore, how to open his desk, and how to clock off early   
without people suspecting anything.

"You're so dramatic", Bond complained.

Q sighed. This was never going to work. But then Bond hunched his shoulders a tiny bit, just as Q would, and schooled his face into a very Q-like expression. Somehow, this seemed even more   
uncanny than before.

"You are creepily accurate", Q told Bond.

"I've watched you quite a bit, Quartermaster", Bond replied.

Q blushed and spun Bond around and pushed him out the door, none too lightly. 

"Go. You have fifteen minutes before I go in after you."

"Bossy, bossy", Bond tutted. "I'll be back before you know it."


	2. Chapter 2

Q had been waiting in the bathroom for half an hour. Where the hell was Bond? He had probably gotten caught. Q groaned and then flinched. It was weird to hear Bond's voice come out every time Q spoke.

On his way out of the bathroom, Q glanced into the mirror one last time and smiled. Everyone knew that James Bond was incredibly attractive, and Q wasn't to deny the obvious. Of course, Q would never stand for any kind of that trouble, but it wasn't like he didn't feel the tiniest bit special every time Bond walked away from a pretty girl to hit on Q. It wasn't like it meant everything, Bond hit on   
everyone. But it was nice to win out sometimes.

Q smiled with his Bond-face one last time and then pushes the door of the bathroom open. He began to worry and quickly made his way down to Q Branch, where he was certain he would find Bond   
tied to some sort of chair and put on trail as an imposter.

What he was not expecting though, was Bond to be leaning on a very attractive underling's desk in Q'S BODY and hitting on the girl. The girl, who had probably never considered Q as anything else   
than a rather odd boss, was blushing incredible and quickly wrote her phone number down on a scrap of paper and passed it over to Bond.

That man was infuriating

Q walked over to Bond and grabbed him by his elbow.

"You seriously have a problem", Q murmured angrily, "Can you not just do something and then move on?", Q asked.

"Not when it comes to you", Bond answered with a smirk. 

Bond opened his closed palm and next to that girl's phone number was the key to Q's flat. Q nodded and dragged Bond out of Q Branch.

The doors swung closed and the entirety of Q Branch turned to look at the girl that had given Bond her phone number. She was looking a bit distraught.

"Didn't we tell you that they were together?", one programmer consoled rather horribly.

Everyone else sympathetically nodded as they glanced at the door that Q and Bond had exited from.


	3. Chapter 3

Bond raised his hand and a cab stopped faster than Q had ever seen. Q didn't fail to notice that on their way into the cab, Bond crumpled up the tiny bit of paper with the underling's phone number and let it fall to the ground. And although Q would normally say something derisive about littering, he just smiled the tiniest bit.

Q told the driver his address and they sat in silence for the fifteen minute drive. Bond jumped out of the cab first and held the door open for Q, who just glared at the increasingly annoying agent.  
Bond simply winked and offered Q his arm.

"I'm not a girl, double oh seven", Q complained.

"Oh I _definitely_ know that now, Q."

Q blushed. He suddenly realized how incredibly awkward this was. Bond had 100% control over Q's body. Weird. But then again... Q had control over Bond's body. Interesting.

They walked up two stories and stopped in front of Q's flat door. He stuck the key into the keyhole and made Bond turn around. He pushed the key up three times and down twice then turned it  
left, then right, then left once more before a panel in the door opened. He shoved Bond in front of the door 

You're going to have to do the iris and fingerprint scans. Bond grinned and did so. The door swung open.

"Paranoid much, Q?"

Q didn't deign to answer.

"It's kind of funny to see your condescension radiate from my own face", Bond said smiling.

Q rolled his eyes and led Bond into his flat.

"Sit anywhere", Q said waving at his medium sized flat.

Q grabbed two laptops and walked over to his usual over-stuffed armchair and plopped down, slipping both laptops open. He began to type furiously. 

He didn't look up from his screens for another three hours, and when he did, Bond was no longer in the room. Q walked over to the bedroom, and saw Bond passed out on the bed.

Q had forgotten that Bond had just gotten back from a rather long mission. He needed the sleep. Interesting how it was Bond in Q's body that needed the sleep, and not Bond's body. Q would have  
to look into that later. Sleeping Bond must have heard something, because he was sitting up, blinking in a moment. 

"Did you find anything?", Bond asked wide awake.

"No", Q sighed. "I'm a programmer. Not really used to this kind of thing."

Bond nodded once. He then got off the bed and stretched.

"Do you mind if I shower?", he asked.

"No, not at all", Q answered automatically before completely flipping his shit. 

"Wait, what? You want to shower in _my_ body? No. That is SO weird."

Bond raised his eyebrows. "It isn't that big of a deal, Q."

"Yes it is", Q answered frowning.

"I've been on a seven day mission without running water. I _really_ would love to take a shower."

"You mean you haven't showered in a week?", Q asked, looking down at his Bond-body.

"No, I haven't. So if you have the need to shower, please feel free.", Bond answered.

"I'm not sure if I feel very comfortable having your hands all over my body..." Q stated, his eyes wide.

"Technically, they would be your hands", Bond clarified. "Unless you want to take the shower together...", Bond asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope. Nope. Not at all", Q interrupted blushing. "You go and take that shower. And don't you dare linger on anything that you shouldn't be lingering on!"

Bond smiled and stalked into the bathroom. Q sat down on the bed and slammed his face into his pillow and groaned. He hated his life.


	4. Chapter 4

Bond came out of the shower with a towel around his waist. Q immediately blushed. He suddenly wished that he wasn't so damn skinny. And pale. 

"If you wouldn't mind putting actual clothes on double-oh seven..."

"You're embarrassed of your own body?", Bond said with a laugh. 

"So what if I am?", Q replied petulantly.

"Because now I am absolutely certain that you have nothing to be embarrassed of", Bond leered.

Q blushed even more.

"You can take a shower now, if that would make you feel better", Bond added.

Q sighed. Ever since Bond had mentioned not showering for that uncivilized amount of time, he had felt completely itchy. And anyway, Q couldn't deny that he may be at least a little curious about   
what was underneath Bond's suit.

He blushed and Bond laughed.

"You're such a child, Q", Bond said rather fondly.

Q glared at Bond. 

"While I'm in the shower, you call people and figure out what the hell is going on, because the internet is giving me no answers.", Q huffed.

"That must be a new experience for you", Bond said with laughter in his eyes.

"You have no idea."

Q pulled the door of his tiny bathroom open. A small cloud of steam still lingered in the air. He started to unbutton Bond's shirt. He let it slip to the floor. Q had seen Bond shirtless before, but   
this was a bit different. It was intimate. But really weird because, in reality, Bond wasn't even here.

Q hurried up after that, slipping the shirt off and folding it neatly because Bond would flip if he didn't. He undid the belt and slid off Bond's trousers, then the pants. Oh. 

_Oh._

Q hurriedly looked away. He was the one who told Bond not to linger in the first place. And although he was pretty sure Bond had lingered, Q didn't want to be the hypocritical one. He didn't   
think Bond was that attractive in the first place. 

Well that was a lie. But what is the point of getting your body swapped with a gorgeous coworker if you can't live in denial for a bit longer? 

Bond better not ask him any questions while Q was showering. It was really weird when the voice that came out of your mouth when you talked actually ended up turning you on. 

Q showered as quickly as he could and hurried out. He dried off and then realized that he had no clean clothes. Of course he didn't.

"Bond?", Q shouted.

"Yeah, Q?"

"Can you... get me some clothes from my closet?"

Q silently fumed as Bond began to laugh.

"You really can't walk out here in a towel, because you're nervous that I'm going to see my own body?"

Q groaned and hit his head against the door.

"It's weird!", Q protested.

"Yes, your modesty is strange", Bond replied, still laughing, "but you're lucky that I'm still a gentleman."

Bond lightly tapped on the door, and Q stuck an arm out. Bond dropped some sweatpants and a loose t-shirt into Q's grip.

"Thanks, Bond."

Q dressed quickly and went back into his bedroom to see if Bond was doing anything. Bond looked up and smiled.

"I'm pretty attractive."

Q shoved him lightly.

" _You're_ a narcissist."

"It's not narcissism if it's true...", Bond hummed, "And anyway, you're not too bad yourself."

"Please don't flirt with me when I look like you, Bond", Q interrupted, "It's creepy."

"Buzzkill."


	5. Chapter 5

A few phone calls later, Q and Bond had a lead as to who had zapped them. Four hours later, they were in Taipei, pointing a gun at a very guilty looking scientist.

"It wasn't a body swap ray", he said, "It was body swap drugs. I had someone slip it into your tea."

"How do we switch back?", Q asked nervously. 

"The pills are in my desk."

Bond laughed, as Q crossed the room to get the pills and examine them.

"As if we were going to take random pills that you say will fix us."

"Really!", the scientist exclaimed. "Those are the pills that will fix you."

"We don't have to take them at the same time for them to work, right?", Q asked.

The scientist shook his head.

"As long as you both take them within an hour."

"So I can take one of them, and Bond can wait for 59 minutes, and if I die he can shoot you?"

The scientist nodded, still looking scared but Bond growled.

"There is no way I'm going to let you take those pills."

Q had the decency to look at least a little sheepish.

"Well, that is just too bad now, because I've already taken one."

Bond looked angry enough to almost drop his gun.

"Have you lost your mind?!"

Q smiled. 

"I'll be fine, double oh seven. And if not, you can kill him."

Bond still did not look pleased. 

They sat and waited for what seemed like a long time. At the 59th minute, Bond took the other pill and they promptly fell asleep.

When they woke up, they were in their own bodies and the scientist was gone.

"Was it just me, or was that easier than expected?"

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth", Bond replied, dusting himself off. He seemed happy to be back in his body.

Q was a bit disappointed and a bit relieved that they had gotten through this incident without, well, an _incident_. As much as Q thought that Bond was attractive, Q also liked to follow   
logic, and logic dictated that one does not sleep with a colleague, especially when said colleague was a known ladies man and a trained killed.

Q followed Bond's lead and stood up. They stumbled a bit, getting used to being back in their regular bodies.

But as Q was walking towards the door, Bond grabbed his arm and pulled him into a kiss. Q tried his hardest not to squeak in surprise, but really, who could blame him? MI6's most deadly agent   
was sticking his tongue into Q's mouth. 

When Bond finally pulled away, Q was gasping for breath.

"Finally!", Bond growled, "I've been waiting for ages so that we could switch back and I could finally kiss you."

Q raised his eyebrows. 

"Your body suits you much more than mine does.", Bond added as he pulled Q back into a kiss.


	6. To young love

In a lab twenty-eight miles away, a semi-evil scientist watched the couple on security camera feed and laughed.

He picked up the phone and called his good (both close and actually good) friend Moneypenny.

"It's done", he said.

"Really?", she asked doubtfully.

"You were right. They just needed a little nudge."

"Finally, their unresolved sexual tension has been throwing everyone off for months.", Moneypenny sighed.

"So, I take it that I no longer owe you for the Denver incident?", the scientist asked hopefully.

"In your dreams. This only covers the first two _days_ of the Denver incident."

The scientist scowled a little into his phone. But then he cracked open a beer and smiled a bit.

"To young love", he said.

"To young love", she replied.


End file.
